Statistics show that the majority of workers have been in a romantic relationship at work, but it’s not all rainbows and unicorns out there. While some of these relationships end in marriage, most of them fail. Even more disrupting are the surprising number of adulterous relationships at work! With all this love, sex, drama and secrecy…how does anyone get their work done?

SHOW NOTES

What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day – or really any day – than a bit of time with Crina and Kirsten and an episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work on romance in the workplace.  We know relationships at work are important to our satisfaction in our workplaces. And the data indicates that many of us meet our special someone at work. While all that is fantastic, too much of a good thing can be complicated (and even uncomfortable) for everyone – including co-workers.

This episode is for those in workplace romances and for those who work with those in workplace romances – which is apparently almost all of us.  A romantic relationship can be fodder for gossip and distraction in the workplace. It can be stressful and difficult to be in a romantic relationship that co-workers do not know about.  Secrets are hard – and of course if you are a co-worker who knows a secret – secrets can be even harder. Given that 1 in 6 romantic relationships at work is adulterous, we suspect this happens more than we think or want – particularly for those concerned with their productivity at work and of course, the business bottom line.  And, of course, it can be complicated to supervise employees in romantic relationships. And then there is the tragic break up . . .

Crina and Kirsten talk about the different kinds of romantic relationships, the difficulties and benefits that can arise, how the workplace is impacted and some strategies for these difficulties and impacts.

And, as always, we encourage you to explore this topic more deeply with the following links – how can you resist?

Why Relationships in the Workplace Matter | Blog

8 Workplace Romance Statistics You Need to Know Right Now

Professionally Pursuing Workplace Romance: What Organizations Should Teach Employees

The Truth About Office Romance

Tips for Dealing With Romantic Relationships in the Workplace

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Regardless of where you are in your career, you need to get clear on where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. Set your sights high, surround yourself with allies and supporters, and go get what you want!

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts talk about moving your self into the work life you want – whether you call it climbing the ladder, running a ropes course with team members or just creating your own vision for what you want your experience to be – this episode addresses how to get clear about where you are going and how to get there.  

However you think of advancing yourself, remember that it’s a journey and one on which folks spend a lot of time and energy, so it better be a great journey.

Crina works her magic on goal creation by reminding listeners to:

1. Be realistic. As yourself, “Do I really want it?” and “What about it do you want?” 
2. Get clarity. A goal must be specific, clear and measurable.
3. Challenge yourself. An easy or tedious goal is demotivating. But keep a realistic balance: don’t expect to climb to the top overnight
4. Remain Committed. You need to buy into the goal at the outset. Write it down! Post it somewhere! Believe in it (and yourself). 
5. Determine how you’ll get feedback and how you’ll measure progress. Figure out what you’re going to use as feedback. What are the road signs that will tell you if you’re on track or not? For instance, if your goal is to get a promotion or advance in your field, you might choose benchmarks such as: getting more responsibility; being given a new project; seeing doors open up for you; gaining the trust of your supervisor.  This helps to keep the goal on track.
6. Revisit your goals regularly and adjust as needed

Kirsten, with help from Crina, focuses on how to get there and how to deal with the frustrating reality of the percentage of women who advance in the workplace.  This is referred to as getting over the broken rung on women’s advancement in the workplace.

Our hosts talk about what actually works and what does not.  Forget the BS advice about playing golf, dressing for success, be funny/don’t be funny, make cookies and on and on.  Instead, find people and groups to support your ascent to where you want to be, such as taking actions that showcase what you are good at, say yes to things that move you towards your goal and of course ask for what you want – see episode 10.

And as always – below are some good resources for further thinking on this.

The CEO’s Secret To Moving Up the Corporate Career Ladder

Ladder Down: Climbing to the Top | 2018 Women in Law Issue

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Women tend to avoid owning our awesomeness because the patriarchy penalizes us when we do! When we’re strong, proud, decisive and crystal clear in our judgement we’re labeled as bitchy instead of competent. But Crina and Kirsten want to change this for you and all women!

SHOW NOTES 

New Flash!!  It is a myth that men are more confident than women.  In fact, studies show that women are in fact as confident as men, but we are judged, criticized and punished for owning our confidence.  In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our curious couple considers confidence, what it is, who exhibits it and why it’s time to own it, sister!

Psychology Dictionary Online defines self-confidence as an individual’s trust in her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands.

Crina and Kirsten talk about their own experience with confidence. Kirsten trusts her judgement about what she does and does not know.  She is confident in her ability to learn and become competent in something. Kirsten attributes this to lots of experience, failure and recovery.

Crina discusses a friend of hers who is confident, but does not feel comfortable expressing her confidence – and leans towards wanting to be liked.  Her friend is getting ready to start a new job and when asked why she wants to do it, it is because the position pays better, and other people think she will be good.   When Crina went deeper with her friend, she discovered that her friend was confident in her ability to do the job, was excited about it, but did not know how to express these things.    

Our hosts consider what is confidence in a woman?

Character traits:

• Doesn’t apologize for “being”
• Owns her awesomeness
• Willing to be vulnerable or not know something
• Doesn’t seem to have anything to prove
• Self-assured
• Typically, ambitious because she knows what she wants
• Willing to take risks
• Generally positive

Behavior traits:

• Speaks up in meetings 
• Takes up space physically 
• Projects her own voice
• Is direct and clear in her communication

We read these traits as indicators of confidence, and colleagues often infer a lack of confidence when they are absent. Because many of these “executive” behaviors show up more in men, we perceive a “confidence gap.” 

There are things we can do about this, such as speaking well to yourself, taking care of yourself, taking risks, not apologizing, finding ways to get feedback.  And of course, we can help others with this, we can lift other women up, be a mentor, encourage other women, and normalize expressions of confidence.

And why do we want confidence – because it feels good. It is key to getting what you want, particularly in the workplace.  Individuals with confidence experience greater enjoyment in life, less fear and anxiety, more energy and motivation and better interactions with others. 

 We hope you enjoy these articles:

The Truth About Women and Self-Esteem

What is Self-Confidence? + 9 Ways to Increase It [2019 Update]

Is the Confidence Gap Between Men and Women a Myth?

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Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com