yougettowork@gmail.com

23. The Problem with Being Likable

Women are told that they need to be likable in order to be successful, yet those that display “likable” characteristics are seen as less capable and professional.  This double standard creates an invisible ladder for men in the working world while at the same time dictating behaviors that are counter to women’s success.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our terrific twosome gets down and dirty with likeability.  Alicia Menendez states in her book, The Likeability Trap- How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are, that likeability is primarily a mask for conscious and unconscious bias established and promoted by the patriarchy.  And with all things patriarchy – our hosts get after crushing that in this episode.

We all want to be liked (well, most of us anyway) so what it the problem with being liked? 

The core of likeability is that we, as women, are expected to meet other’s beliefs about who we should be.  And that is we are kind, soft, warm, nurturing, relationship focused etc. Men, alternatively, are expected to be strong, assertive, decisive, direct, result focused etc.  While the boxes in which we put people do us all a disservice, the boxes women are expected to check are oftentimes not conducive to success. Women who are strong leaders and competent, capable employees are seen as too aggressive, shrill, angry, a battle axe or an ice queen.

As Marianne Cooper wrote in the Harvard Business Review: “What is really going on…is that high-achieving women experience social backlash because their very success—and specifically the behaviors that created that success—violates our expectations about how women are supposed to behave. Women are expected to be nice, warm, friendly, and nurturing.”

The first problem with likeability is that when we focus on being liked, we are judging ourselves against someone else’s values, not our own, and those can change.  Likeability is an ever shifting paradigm and changes with peoples’ opinions. Likeability focuses on the wrong things, it is hard to attain, it keeps women in their place.  We sacrifice our true selves in an attempt to achieve it and we expend unnecessary energy trying to get it.

Kirsten discusses how the issue of likeability and how it can be exacerbated by the color of a person’s skin.  The workplace is often structured in ways that reward behavior considered socially appropriate in white men but socially inappropriate in women and people of color.  Joan C. Williams in her NYT opinion piece describes the phenomenon as providing an invisible escalator for white men.

Crina discusses the particular problem likeability presents when you are a leader.

 But don’t fear – our hosts propose that authenticity, self-awareness, relatability and connection are solutions to the conundrum of likeability.  But if that does not work, do as Alicia Menendez suggests, if you must chose being trying to be liked and being successful, always choose success.

LINKS

For Women Leaders, Likability and Success Hardly Go Hand-in-Hand

Opinion | How Women Can Escape the Likability Trap

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

22. Is it Time for a Career Change?

The average person changes careers up to 7 times during their lives and experts are predicting this number will steadily increase. Automation, shifting economies and an ever-increasing number of career choices are some of the primary reasons that people, especially millennials, are jumping ship.

SHOW NOTES

Do you find yourself drained from work? Are you bored? Do you feel like you’re missing something? Are you just in it for the money? You may want to consider whether a career change would give you more joy, ease and satisfaction in your work. 

Crina made a decision to make a big career change to establish her own consulting firm for leadership and organizational development. Kirsten has gone through the process of considering a career change several times during her career and ended up deciding to make changes where she was rather than moving to a different career.  

Crina serves as the episode’s lab rat – opening the curtain on her process, the highs, the lows and what you can expect.  She talks candidly about the challenges. How to prepare, what to expect from the change, and what is there to look forward to?

Join Crina and Kirsten for a conversation that can lead to transformative change and more satisfaction where you are.

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

21. Isolation-Loneliness in the Workplace

At a time when we’re connected to each other 24/7, many workers report feeling isolated, lonely and lacking genuine connection. In fact this reality so common that researchers have begun calling it a, “Loneliness Epidemic.” The antidote: Human-to-human connection.

SHOW NOTES

Social interaction at work is incredibly important, yet many people feel the effects of workplace isolation. In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts discuss the loneliness epidemic that is impacting hundreds of thousands of workers. Isolation in the workplace can be subtle or severe, but in either case, the effects are significant. Isolation triggers the same parts of the brain that are triggered by physical pain, which means it makes folks feel real bad – and that is not what we want in the place we spend much of our waking hours.

Isolation can occur because of how your work space is oriented, because you are the “only” (whether you are the only sales person on a team of engineers, the only person with children or maybe the only person who is not a gamer), because the workplace culture supports it – or maybe just because the people you work with are jerks. You may be the boss or you may work remotely. All of this contributes to being isolated from others. We know the importance of friendship in the workplace and how it contributes to your workplace satisfaction and productivity. Isolation is just the opposite of those yummy, fuzzy, fun friend feelings.

So what can you DO about it . . .

  • Recognize your own feelings
  • Recognize that you need connections outside of the office to fill those relationship needs Make dates for coffee or lunch with coworkers
  • Join and volunteer for projects and activities that are outside of your normal work
  • Work in a different space if your office allows for it – you are more likely to run into people Take breaks in the break room
  • Get to know a senior person
  • And keep your sense of humor – sometimes the feelings of isolation can be self-perpetuating.

Crina and Kirsten tell personal stories about their own experiences with isolation and how they have addressed it in their own work lives.

LINKS

No more odd one out: What causes isolation at work

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

20: Self Care=Crushing the Patriarchy

Caring for yourself is not self-indulgent, it’s essential to your well-being. Regardless of what you’re told by the patriarchy, self-care is a way of life, not a product you can buy.

SHOW NOTES

This episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work is about self-care, which is a timely topic as we enter into the holidays. It is a busy time of year – and most of us have busy lives without the additional stresses posed by the holidays. Our gals discuss self care as personal actualization – and taking back your body and your time and your pleasure and your feelings from those demands created by our “role” as women.

“Caring for myself is not self- indulgence. It is self preservation, and this is an act of political warfare.” by poet and writer Audre Lord

Crina and Kirsten talk about self-care from the Audre Lorde perspective. Not as a massage or a bottle of fancy bath bubbles, but as actions that put our needs before those of others to create practices that are restorative. Crina and Kirsten discuss their own restorative practices and how to create those so that you can bring your best self to all things, including your work.

LINKS

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2017/04/the_history_of_self_care.html

https://www.thathummingbirdlife.com/blog/the-problem-with-self-care

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

19: Failures

Failure is inevitable. The only way to avoid it is by doing nothing and saying nothing. Join Crina and Kirsten as they explore their own relationship to failure and explore ways to manage the emotions around this big subject.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our gals discuss failure in the workplace. Nobody likes failure but it is a reality in every workplace and for every worker. Failure prevents a lot of us challenging ourselves and taking the next step. How do you feel about failure and how does it feel when you fail? What do you worry about? And why does it feel so bad? Crina and Kirsten discuss these questions in an introduction to failure.

The studies show that women are punished more severely for mistakes than men – in other words making a mistake is more consequential if you are a woman.

Failures in the workplace can be broken into three categories – 1 – preventable failures in complex system – otherwise known as human error; 2 unavoidable failures in complex systems; 3 – error at the frontier where things are unknown. Each type of error has different consequences and results in different learning and that is the most important part of failure in the workplace, the ability to learn and grow – if you can hold on through the embarrassment, shame and whatever else comes your way.

Crina and Kirsten discuss the dos and don’ts of failure. Taking ownership and telling the truth are great places to start after a failure. It is important to get help from others too.

And it’s important not to forget how to take care of ourselves after a failure – don’t wallow in your despair, but make some time to be kind and gentle with yourself – it will help you solve problems – and just make you feel better.

LINKS

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

18: How to Combat Miscommunication and Negative Assumptions

In order to find joy, meaning and ease at work you need to communicate clearly and interpret information accurately. This requires focus, curiosity and a willingness to challenge the stories you tell yourself.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, we tackle the many ways that miscommunication happens and what you can do about it. If you’re a direct communicator like Crina, people may assume that there is some implicit message in what you are saying. They might hear you say one thing, but believe another. Miscommunication can also happen when the listener isn’t actually listening or makes incorrect assumptions about what is “really” being said. Miscommunication is also very common when we fail to listen fully because we’re waiting to talk or waiting to make our point. Finally, we all filter what is being said through our own unique experiences and stories. Many times people hear something that is actually much different than what was intended because they can’t be objective about the information that’s delivered.

Crina and Kirsten offer a few tips to combat miscommunication, starting with the elimination of assumptions. When you hear something that doesn’t sit well with you, do yourself a favor and check in. Ask that person to restate what they just said so that you can be sure you heard it accurately. If you’re using email as your primary mode of communication, practice reading that unsettling email a different way. It’s also great to develop active listening skills that make use of curiosity and kindness. Finally, when you’re the one doing the talking, make sure you’re clear about what you want to say and use clear language when delivering information.

Remember that in order to find joy, meaning and ease at work, you need to get control of how you communicate and the way you interpret what other people are saying and writing.

LINKS

8 Causes of Miscommunication and Misunderstanding

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

17: Lead Like a Girl

Crina and Kirsten are kicking a gender bias to the curb and talking about how women make amazing leaders. In fact, according to a recent study, women score statistically higher than men in almost every single leadership characteristic.

SHOW NOTES

Crina and Kirsten are both just back from fabulous adventures and share their amazing experiences with listeners before they launch into this shows meaty topic! Both women are deeply committed to leadership – fostering those talents and skills in themselves and others – especially women. 

This show is for EVERYONE. Our hosts believe we all lead from where we are. They discuss the leadership capabilities surveyed in a Harvard Business Review article by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, Women Score Higher than Men in Most Leadership Skills. What a great backdrop – that women are perceived by their co-workers having the highest rated leadership capabilities – for us to discuss leadership qualities and consider which ones we have and which ones we want to develop in ourselves. 

Our hosts encourage each other and the listener to see themselves as a leader and to develop those capabilities. 

LINKS

Research: Women Score Higher Than Men in Most Leadership Skills

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

16: Say, ‘No’ and Do Less

Time management is a practice. It takes vigilance and commitment to protect your valuable time from competing responsibilities. Check out this episode to hear how Crina and Kirsten approach their work and their commitments in their busy lives.

SHOW NOTES

Following on the heels of episode 11, The Crushing Burden, Crina and Kirsten continue their exploration of the things we juggle as professional, working woman In this episode, Crina and Kirsten turn to the practical while exploring how they each manage their time, how their values dictate their priorities, and where they spend their time.

Kirsten checks in about her work to minimize her commitments while honoring her values. She talks about how she struggles to juggle responsibilities from her job, community, family and friends. Crina explores how her approach to time management is different from Kirsten’s and likely a product of her
willingness to say, “no.”

In addition to exploring their own styles, they also offer tips and tricks and strategies to help listeners get a grip on their own schedules. For instance, Kirsten recommends eating your big hairy frog first and Crina encourages listeners to choose themselves first. As always, Crina and Kirsten get real about the need to say, “no.”

LINKS

Productivity Isn’t About Time Management. It’s About Attention Management.

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

15: Gratitude and Praise Will Change Your Work Life

Let’s face it, feeling good and getting acknowledged feels good. When someone notices that you worked hard, did something amazing, pushed through a barrier or overcome a challenge, it makes you feel motivated to do more. Unfortunately, the vast majority of workers report that they have not received positive feedback about their work performance in the last year! Join us as we explore how to change this phenomenon while using praise and gratitude to create ease and joy at work.

SHOW NOTES

In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, Crina and Kirsten talk about how critical it is to have gratitude and praise in the workplace. In fact, most workers site praise and meaning as one of the most important elements of job satisfaction.  Let’s face it, feeling good and getting acknowledged feels good.  When someone notices that you worked hard, did something amazing, pushed through a barrier or overcome a challenge, it makes us feel motivated to do more.  

Unfortunately, the vast majority of workers report that they have not received positive feedback about their work performance. Say it ain’t so!! If this is your work culture, there are things you can do to change it for yourself, your coworkers and your organizational culture. Gratitude is not only good for the receiver, but also for the giver.

If you want to start giving praise and sharing gratitude there are a few keys to be successful.  Be sure that you are giving praise in a way that works for the listener.  Some people like to hear feedback in public, some people prefer private praise, some of us like to see positive comments in writing and others value a gift or a pat on the back.  Positive comments are also more meaningful if they are specific and timely.

It’s also important to know yourself and know how you like to receive feedback.  If you’re like Crina, you might even try asking your employer for what you want. 

In addition to seeking external gratification, Crina and Kirsten remind listeners to own their power and accomplishments. Remember that you are awesome!

Listen in – you’ll be grateful!

LINKS

Why Appreciation Matters So Much

The Psychological Effects of Workplace Appreciation and Gratitude

14 Health benefits of Practicing Gratitude According to Science

Power Your Tribe Book

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com

14: Your Money AND Your Life

Some people think money equals power, others think it’s the root of all evil and some see it as a something to save and protect. What are the stories you tell yourself about money? Are you spending, saving or investing? Learn how your money script can dictate the way you think about that paycheck!

SHOW NOTES

Some people say that sex and money is where it all happens for us and where we meet up with our “stuff.”  Since Crina and Kirsten talk about work, they focus this episode MONEY.  What is your philosophy about money?  What is your money script – or what story do you tell yourself about money?  Are you someone who saves every penny or are you comfortable spending? Do you think money equals power? Is it the root of all evil or does it define you and your success? 

Crina and Kirsten also discuss how women are perceived as financial decision makers, what women think about their standard of living, investments and retirement.  

 Listen in as Crina and Kirsten tackle these issues head on while exploring their own relationships with money.

LINKS

https://www.yourmentalwealthadvisors.com/money-scripts

https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-myths-we-believe-about-women-money

https://archive.news.iastate.edu/news/2006/nov/genderinvest.shtml

https://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/111/s181

Click here to subscribe to our podcast on Apple PodcastsGoogle Play MusicStitcherTuneIn, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

Send us your stories, questions, feedback, and comments to: yougettowork@gmail.com