24. Self Confidence–It’s Time to Own it, Sister!

Women tend to avoid owning our awesomeness because the patriarchy penalizes us when we do! When we’re strong, proud, decisive and crystal clear in our judgement we’re labeled as bitchy instead of competent. But Crina and Kirsten want to change this for you and all women!


New Flash!!  It is a myth that men are more confident than women.  In fact, studies show that women are in fact as confident as men, but we are judged, criticized and punished for owning our confidence.  In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our curious couple considers confidence, what it is, who exhibits it and why it’s time to own it, sister!

Psychology Dictionary Online defines self-confidence as an individual’s trust in her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands.

Crina and Kirsten talk about their own experience with confidence. Kirsten trusts her judgement about what she does and does not know.  She is confident in her ability to learn and become competent in something. Kirsten attributes this to lots of experience, failure and recovery.

Crina discusses a friend of hers who is confident, but does not feel comfortable expressing her confidence – and leans towards wanting to be liked.  Her friend is getting ready to start a new job and when asked why she wants to do it, it is because the position pays better, and other people think she will be good.   When Crina went deeper with her friend, she discovered that her friend was confident in her ability to do the job, was excited about it, but did not know how to express these things.    

Our hosts consider what is confidence in a woman?

Character traits:

  • Doesn’t apologize for “being”
  • Owns her awesomeness
  • Willing to be vulnerable or not know something
  • Doesn’t seem to have anything to prove
  • Self-assured
  • Typically, ambitious because she knows what she wants
  • Willing to take risks
  • Generally positive

Behavior traits:

  • Speaks up in meetings 
  • Takes up space physically 
  • Projects her own voice
  • Is direct and clear in her communication

We read these traits as indicators of confidence, and colleagues often infer a lack of confidence when they are absent. Because many of these “executive” behaviors show up more in men, we perceive a “confidence gap.” 

There are things we can do about this, such as speaking well to yourself, taking care of yourself, taking risks, not apologizing, finding ways to get feedback.  And of course, we can help others with this, we can lift other women up, be a mentor, encourage other women, and normalize expressions of confidence.

And why do we want confidence – because it feels good. It is key to getting what you want, particularly in the workplace.  Individuals with confidence experience greater enjoyment in life, less fear and anxiety, more energy and motivation and better interactions with others. 

 We hope you enjoy these articles:

The Truth About Women and Self-Esteem

What is Self-Confidence? + 9 Ways to Increase It [2019 Update]

Is the Confidence Gap Between Men and Women a Myth?

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