Angela Duckworth, the psychologist who wrote the book on grit (it’s literally called Grit), looks at the image of the lone, heroic striver and says grit alone is not enough – “without exception, every high performer I’ve studied credits a host of supporters for success.” Grit, it turns out, needs a group chat.

Crina and Kirsten take on the myth of the self-made worker. They trace it back to Samuel Smiles’s 1859 book Self-Help, which warned that “help from without is often enfeebling.” That idea caught on in America even more than in Britain and started a whole genre. The myth is we do it alone – we do not. And so many of us are afraid to ask for help.

The good news is that the fear is overblown. Research from Brooks, Gino and Schweitzer found that people who ask for advice are seen as more competent, not less, especially when the task is hard and the advisor is an expert. The research also ties asking for help to better learning, better college results, stronger mental health and more successful entrepreneurs.

Our hosts get real about when asking does feel risky: workplaces that punish questions, bosses who treat asking as weakness, and the way gender, race, age and seniority change who gets rewarded for asking and who gets penalized – and cover how to ask up, up, across and down, and where asking for help ends and handing off your job begins.

Then comes the playbook. Ask early, before it’s a five-alarm fire. Ask the right person, ask specifically, and ask where your team can see you. Credit your helpers out loud. Build a support system so help isn’t a scramble, and be the person who answers when someone else asks.

Your challenge this week: make one ask and send one thank-you. Everyone needs a little help, even the author of Grit.