Today on Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our badass duo gets up close and personal with an exercise created by social scientist, author and speaker Alison Fragale. Fragale has written a great book, How to be a Likeable Badass. Fragale suggests one of the keys to being a likeable badass is asking for what you want—boldly, frequently, and strategically — and she has developed an exercise on asking – the No Challenge.
The Challenge: Get 10 Nos
The idea? Ask for things you want until you get 10 rejections. Why? Because asking builds resilience and rejection isn’t as painful as we think.
What should you ask for? Well, anything you want – from asking your partner to not only make dinner, but also clean up to a raise or more flexibility, maybe a sabbatical, or how about just an upgrade to your hotel room?
This exercise illustrates that when we ask, we get more of that we want, build confidence around asking, learn more about the nuances of rejection (may the no is only for now but a yes may come later, maybe there is no to the ask, but yes to something else or maybe the question creates an opportunity for connection and better understanding). And the more we ask, the less likely we are to leave opportunities on the table.
Not to say it is not hard to ask – it sure is. We feel vulnerable. We assume that people dislike us for asking, which is actually an incorrect assumption. Asking someone for a favor makes them like you more, not less. People enjoy being helpful, and they’re happier than we assume when they get the chance to say “yes.” We overestimate how much we will inconvenience people and we fear loss more than we crave gain.
Rejection stings—literally. Studies show social rejection lights up the same part of the brain as physical pain (some researchers even tried treating it with Tylenol—yes, really – and that worked at lessening emotional pain). Likeable badasses don’t wait for success to be handed to them—they ask for it. And if they hear “no” along the way? They shake it off, pop a Tylenol, and keep going.